Caregiver

My father just celebrated his 76th birthday. Lately I've been thinking about my parents and their future care giving.

My mother and father are both survivors of cancer. They have had to conquer many mountains and obstacles. Through it all, they raised five children. I have to say, they did a damn good job.

My parents live seven minutes from my house. I talk and see them often. My brothers live fairly close; within an hours drive. I've decided that if my husband and I retire to another state, I will take them with me. I will be their caregiver. My parents are not convinced they want to follow. They both admit, out of the 5 children, I'm the one they mostly likely would live with. My brothers and sister are beautiful people; my parents feel more comfortable around my husband over their spouses.

It's not their home that keeps them from moving. It's not having family nor friends, near by. They're not passionate with the area and most certainly dislike the outrageous taxes. So, what keeps them planted in a place that might become an hindrance?

Their doctor. I'm discomfited how this man/woman holds so much power; more so than family. I like my doctor however I'm not dedicated to her. Then again, I never had a life threatening illness that she 'healed' me with. I might consider myself their future caregiver, but I can't heal. The doctor is their friend, family, and curer. I appreciate and understand my parents rationalization.

You have to let the bird fly.....

....from her nest.

That's what my husband told me, regarding my daughter.

Next month, she might pay a visit to my sister and brother-in-law's house in South Carolina. From there, she will 'check out' University of South Carolina. My stomach has been in knots since she brought the subject up.

USC is wonderful school and South Carolina is a beautiful state. It's hard to grasp that I might not see her everyday. I know it would be a wonderful opportunity, but my feelings are selfish. I worry.

There's something about waking up in the morning, peeking in her room and seeing her feet peeking out of the covers. Getting her many random text during work can be troubling, but I look forward to them.

As I'm typing this, I'm feeling nauseous.

She wants to become an orthodontist and I'm unclear about what USC offers. I do know that the University of Illinois has a wonderful program. *smile*

Music

I grew up being the youngest of five children; three older brothers and one sister. My two oldest brothers where in a band,both playing guitar. The music they played and listen to was everything from folk to hard rock. As I type this, In A Gada-Da-Vida (baby) is playing in my head. Yesterday I pulled out my Cat Stevens cd and memories of my oldest brother singing Father And Son, left a lump in my throat. My sister was into Jackson 5, Michael Jackson and Barry Manilow. The youngest brother was constantly blasting Judas Priest. I probably have at least one favorite song from their selection. Yes, including Barry Manilow.

My music selection, coupled with their music, is huge. The other day, a co-worker asked if I had any cd’s in my car. “Well yes, yes I do. I’m not sure they’re office material though.”

The collection list, in my car:

AC/DC, Aerosmith, Archie Star, Backstreet Boys, Bonjovi, Jackson Brown, Elton John, Michael Jackson, Journey, My Chemical Romance, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Righteous Brothers, Fleetwood Mac, Foreigner, Greenday, Mika, Prince, Pink Floyd, Poison, Simon & Garfunkel, Rush, Cat Stevens, Lynyrd Skynyrd,U2, Whitney Houston, John Cougar Mellencamp (he used cougar in his earlier music), and White Snake

* remind myself my cd’s to be re-organized back to ABC order *

I was surprised to find that the co-worker who is in her early 20’s new all but two artist. Can you guess which one? My Chemical Romance and The Archies.

When my daughters were growing up, we had a rule; I would listen to their music if they would listen to mine. As a result, they would love to see Prince or Mellencamp in concert, with me. And, I might enjoy seeing Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

Music has no age discrimination. I honestly believe that music reaches in your soul like no other. It’s a love and trance, wrapped in one. My first vision of what Utopia should be, came from my thoughts generated by a song.

For the introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state; since styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions.
Plato

Lives are runied.....

because of children??????

The other day, I saw a post on a forum regarding how children ruin lives. It took every ounce of strength that I had to not flame this guy. He continued to talk about how unhappy couples are that they had children. He can hear the regret in their voices when they speak of their kids. He voices his opinion how they drain a parents wallet and life.

I reply....
"I have never felt a stronger love, than what I feel towards my children."

Another poster replies to me....
"Don't you love your husband?"

I reply....
"when you fell in love with your wife did you stop loving your parent(s)?
Your comment is a common deficit assumption. Love isn't like a pizza; it's not like you pass out slices and eventually you're stuck with a small piece or no piece at all." Why do people feel that a person's love is limited?

I completely understand if a person or couple chooses not to have children. In fact, I hold a level of admiration towards them. There are far too many parents that have children, and fail miserably. I'm sure those that decide against having children have very valid reasons and should hold no regret.

The whole post reminds me of a time when I talking with some friends over lunch. A friend and I were discussing how our children will always come before a husband. The other friend didn't feel that way.

I asked her....
"If you, your son, and your husband were crossing train tracks and a train was coming, you only had enough time to push one out of the way, who would it be?"

She replied....
"My husband. We've been through so much together."

Oh my god, are you kidding me? On the 20th of this month, I'll be married for 21 years. I can't imagine growing old with any other man. Not only are we, husband and wife, we are life long partners. His views are not always the same as mine but one view we share; our children come first, before each other.

Getting back to the post....

One person comments-"Why don't couples adopt, there are so many needy children?" When we decided to have children, I looked into adoption. At the time, it was very expensive, and my husband and my religion, were not the same.

Regarding adoption, why should helping children in need, be limited to adoption? I wonder if people who spew adoption comments, ever donated to a children's relief fund.

Stare at boobs=live longer

Are you kidding me?

"Staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals. Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women's breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.

More here.


Does this work for all genders? "But Honey, I'm only staring at his genitals to extend my life!"

Mika

If you get a chance, please check out Mika (singer). He's an amazing performer, based in London.

His vocals are astonishing and he has this unconscious charm. Fans across the world, who had the pleasure of seeing him live, claim his concerts are clones of his albums. His band mates possess equal talent and compliment his eccentric performance.

Bullied by his fellow pupils and teachers, he is living proof that positive things happen to good people. I can feel his tormented youth when listening to some of his songs.

Although his music is wonderful, I'm overwhelmed by his soulful lyrics. I can relate and appreciate them.

This probably wont be the last time I mention him.

Teen Suicide

It's been over a week now, when my daughter first heard of two classmates committing suicide. First, was a beautiful sweet young lady; second, was a popular handsome young man.

Hearing the tragedy, most were sympathetic. However, sympathy can stir up harsh words. "What can be so horrible to drive a teenager to do that?" or "What the hell were they thinking?"

Asinine questions. It's apparent that their state of mind was not rational, so understanding their thoughts, is unachievable. These teens have emotional pain and are silently screaming. To them, the pain that they feel of hopelessness has no cure. You can't measure pain. I wish they knew, pain is temporally, suicide is permanent.

No parent should have to suffer and bury their child. More importantly, no child should have to bury their suffering.